Name may ling
DOB 28th july
Email chanclarise@gmail.com
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mayling signed off at
|11:07:00 PM|
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-Monday, August 30, 2004-
my eyes leaking water
wooo.. dunno why today so lethargic. eyes v pain and water oozing out liddat.. u know, when u get realli tired, water comes out? i've been resting as much as i could. it was a fruitful weekend, i celebrated mum's b-day and i did some personal planning on sunday. and i am working towards some realy challenging goals, which i wun tell u here! *hahaz.
okie, me now in office now.. it's almost 7pm le.. but still working. haiz, altho i came to work late today [at 12noon] but i feel that my head is spinning.. and i think i haven't realli recovered from my sickness ba. now playing games.. and blogging of cos. haha. anthony just came back from downstairs, he treating me dinner! so cool. wahahaha. mayonnaise chicken rice. yummiz. wahaha. that's one good thing abt coming to horne road, u get lotsa nice food to eat. hehez.
kk.. now i go makan le kk? heee.
mayling signed off at
|6:45:00 PM|
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-Sunday, August 29, 2004-
Today's SermOn
i was realli sleepy when i attended service today.. so when i got home, i re-read the sermon and i realised that it's so PowerFul.
1) We hurt physically
2) We hurt emotionally
3) We hurt relationally
6 Don't in DEaling with Hurts
1) Don't ignore the hurt
2) Don't run from the hurt
3) Don't hide the hurt
4) Don't worry about the hurt
5) Don't resent the hurt
6) Don't give up
++++++++++++++++++++++++
but what happens if i was open abt the hurt, but the people around me don't understand me?
++++++++++++++++++++++++
i read by previous blogs from Nov 2003.. and i realised that my life was so exciting then. haa.. i got scolded by my mum alot during that time too. cos i spent alot of time outside and always not home. even my blogs in the past were far more interesting.. *haiz. what's happening to my life? why so boring? so mani things happened.. God, make my life more happening! :)
mayling signed off at
|8:44:00 PM|
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Going to Sleep Le!
went for 9am service today! i slept at 3am last night and it was soooo hard trying 2 wake up this morning! i was really sleepy.. now too. so before i go to sleep [it's almost 4pm now], i wanna blog first!
i reached home at about 1 plus? i vsited my blog and realised that the Qi Li Xiang midi is 'spoilt'! plays a weird song instead. haha. so now i've changed it.. to Jie Kou [my fave song in vol. 5]. i've got the ringtone too. cool cool. *hahaz.
made some changes to my blog.. can put more stuff. hmm.. so sleepy le. i better catch some sleep.. will be back later.. i think so!! :)
mayling signed off at
|3:50:00 PM|
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jay's ringtone!
yippee! i was realli 'sianz' this afternoon when i downloaded jay's 'Qi Li Xiang' midi and realised that my phone's [samsung v200] data cable can't transfer the midi from my lappy to my phone! *argh. but thank God i found this software called PSMPlayer which allows me to convert Midi files to MMF files! *yay. ohya, my data cable can only transfer MMF files to my phone. *heez. happie. and that means... i have Qi Li Xiang as my ringtone! *mad
and yes, my bloggie is playing Qi Li Xiang too. *nods. ooooh... niceeeee. actually my fave song in the entire album is Jie Kou [track 3]. niceeeee... i love ballads.
oh my! it's past 2am already. realli tired. i was supposed to have logged off earlier, but i decided to find ways to convert that midi file, that's why i didnt sleep in the end. *haiz. sometimes, i am too determined in the wrong things. but for the right things, i tend to give up so easily. why? can someone tell me.. and tell me that i can be determined in the right things, even if they're difficult to achieve...
can someone tell me that i can achieve my dreams? that when i put in effort, i'd reap what i sowed? it's true, i know. but why do i give up so easily sometimes? the truth is, many people have told me before.. that i CAN do it. it's now all up to me to face it together with God. am i allowing myself to dwell and waste so much of my time? if yes, why? i dun understand myself sometimes. my mindset is so limited. i can only see what the devil wants me to see, but not what God wants me to see. i dun wanna waste anymore precious time and youth. it's driving me crazy. can i believe that when i give my all, He will give His all? the truth and the answer is "YES". i knew that the day i knew Him. why did i take so long to understand? issit too late? it's not right? it's not, it's not, it's not!!
whoever's reading, dun b worried for me. haha. i'm just throwing out my thoughts. i'm a thinker sometimes. especially when i have time. i just think and think too much i guess. and God is telling me today that it's time i moved on. i've been holding on to the past, the past failures, the past hurts, the past me... too much.
God.. i'd fulfill your dream.. :)
mayling signed off at
|2:22:00 AM|
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new lOOk!
i took awhile to change this skin of the blOg! had been unchanging for tOO long, time to change! i like it v much persOnally.. haa. anyway, it's MY blOg, i can make it lOOk anyway i want! :)
i just gOt tO knOw that sOme of my ex-cellgrOup members bOught fOr me Jay's latest album 2 weeks agO! they haven't given it tO me.. *lOOking fOrward. thank GOd i didn't buy it [i didn't have the mOney then..].. i'm sO tOuched and sO happie!
28 August is my mum's birthday! we celebrated by having dinner at hOme. dad and i went out tO buy the fOOd and cake. it was a sumptious meal! *hee.
it's past 1am already.. i'm not tired. but my neck is aching. i dun tink i wanna sleep sOOn... tmr gOing mOrning service wOr.. scared cannOt wake up. have to meet ian and eric at 7am at tampines.. that's sOO earlie. dun even knOw what time is the first bus..
well well, me v happie tOday cOs i re-vamped my blOg! hehe. i like the backgrOund pic. cOOL.
mayling signed off at
|12:58:00 AM|
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-Saturday, August 28, 2004-
SiCk..
i'm not scOlding aniOne.. me just saying i fell sick. haha. i woke up with a realli bad headache yestie morning. i couldn't sit up properly and my whole body was aching.. i took a few hours rest and went to work at 12noon. my head was almost dropping off.. and i felt v cold. when i got to the office, kelly, denise and anthony bought KFC for lunch! how bad.. i was sick and they bought these kind of food. *shakes head. nevertheless, i still ate some of the popcorn chicken. *hahaz.
i was feeling really terrible before the grouptalk.. i realli felt like asking someone else to give, but well.. i still gave the grouptalk myself. it wasn't a v hectic day for me, but i felt that my sickness was draining my energy all away.. i almost collapsed when the boys left. den came cellgroup.. haha. i felt better after cellgroup and the day wasn't ending yet... went to visit some people and i got home slightly before 12..
i didn't use the internet last night! i was too sick and tired to do so..
today's mum's birthday!!!
mayling signed off at
|11:02:00 AM|
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-Thursday, August 26, 2004-
Schindler's List
i watched Schindler's List today!! it's an R[A] show but it's a really nice movie with nice story. it's about how Oskar Schindler saved 1100 Jews from the hands of Hitler during the Holocaust. u should watch it! i almost cried.. but too paisey to do so. really love Schindler, he's so nice. initially he just wanted to make money, but in the process, he started to help so mani Jews. he really took the personal effort to save them. i was realli touched when he broke down and cried and said that he could have saved more Jews..
i'm kinda tired now. reported to work at 1.30pm today, cos i worked til 10 plus last night. i went to buy stuff with denise after work and reached home at 9.10pm. had my dinner and played Hexic on MSN with eric and continued to play even after he logged off. nice game! introduced by cedric kang. haha.
mayling signed off at
|10:49:00 PM|
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-Tuesday, August 24, 2004-
am i not open to change?
if i am someone who hold on to past memories alot.. and miss people who have been part of my life before.. is that considered not open to change? or is that just being v sentimental? *hehe
i've been in TCSC for a few months le.. seen a handful of boys graduate and sometimes i'd tend to think of them and wish they're still around [haha..]. it was fun! but it's also fun now actually. was chatting to one of the boys online.. and suddenly, i realise that lots of boys will be coming in and out of my life, as they come in and out of the programme. whenever i realise they're graduating soon, i'd feel happy, excited and reliefed for them... yet at the same time, i'd feel that i'd miss them lots. *hee
was kinda tired on the bus today. suddenly i sensed God.. He asked me, why am i so tired? i replied in my mind that i've been busy with work and had been putting in my energy and life into what i am doing now. honestly i feel drained sometimes, but i'd find ways and means to rest and replenish my energy. God spoke to me just now and said that i am beginning to neglect Him more and more, and focusing more and more on WORK. it's time i re-adjust my mentality and priorities. of cos i will not compromise on my work commitments, but i'd serve God through my work [my ministry] and be diligent to make sure that God is the reason why i am in this line and He is the source of my strength. *yippie
mayling signed off at
|9:38:00 PM|
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jay chou's latest album
i've got hold of jay's latest album! yay.. so happie. i didn't buy it, someone 'lent' it to me. haha. will have to return him tomoro but i have copied it to my pc already! but i'd still buy the CD when i get my pay. love jay! too bad my laptop's cD-ROM drive is abit sot sot, if not i can listen to it now. *saaaad. will someone bless me with the CD? *hehe
another interesting day for me at work! i ate duck porridge for lunch, the one at hollywood coffeeshop! happiness. best ever. *yummiz
v happie to see my ex-cg members tag my board... so mani of them! it's been so long readers tag my board le!*hint hint. not even my close friends. *saaaaad. thanax for tagging! :)
mayling signed off at
|8:32:00 PM|
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-Monday, August 23, 2004-
weather so warm wor
v warm! now's 11.18pm le! just switched on the air-con.. hee.. feel so much better. haiz, recently like so warm wor. den at the office like winter liddat. hmmm. mummy just gave me a packet of cold chocolate milk to drink! yummy! i was v surprised cos my mum usualli dun let us drink cold drinks de. i'm usualli a warm-drink person too.
today was a great day for me. it was study day for da boys. it was pretty fun. :)
had a talk with sis Joyce today... i've been working for her since april and today's the 3rd time she spoke into my life. she's a really anointed leader. really really very anointed. everytime i feel so convicted, everytime i feel that the bad things in my life are so transparent before her. it's a good thing isn't it? but sometimes i feel vulnerable.. hehe. she seems to see thru me.
looking forward to tmr!
mayling signed off at
|11:15:00 PM|
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-Sunday, August 22, 2004-
sunday sunday
slept til 10am this morning. i tried to sleep more.. wake up later, but cannot. so i got up, drank a cup of milo, ate some biscuits and went to use the laptop. it's soo boring! so i went back to bed.. haha. mum woke me up to eat lunch. went to surf net again. den shuzhen called and asked if i wanted to go to john little warehouse sale. haiz.. wan to go! but no money. no extra cash to spend [must control] and must save on transport. so i said v far wor... den she came down to sengkang instead! so exciting! we went to buy some stuff and den went to slack at mos burger. we realised compass point is a familie shopping centre cos alot of families with small kids or babies. hmm.. young couples estate. dunno next time if i get married will i still choose to stay at punggol?mayb ba.. i'm v lazie sometimes de wor.
today chatted with shuzhen alot and catch up alot too. hopefulli next time the na can come. haha. na v lazie de lo.. always dun wanna travel, unless can shopp.. haiz. she's an aspiring taitai, no choice, now have to practice shopping for long hours. *luffs
i realised how lazie i am. cos i was amazed at how shuzhen would actualli choose to go out for lunch during lunch break. she told me her colleague will drive them out. i was amazed cos i wouldnt even waste my energy to walk to the carpark. den after reaching the place le, still have to get off the car to walk to the food place right... *tiring wor. realised that i'd rather not eat lunch if no one went out to buy food. heee...
shuzhen bought me a hp accessorie.. pink color de cat. haiz.. rena wun get the pink one for the first time.. wahahaha. :P
mayling signed off at
|11:21:00 PM|
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-Saturday, August 21, 2004-
i can blog!
hmm.. i havent been blogging for like 5-6 days! partly cos i was super busy, and cos there's something wrong with my internet explorer. haiz..
yesterday was the first day of Eureka Programme.. the staff had a busy day! i was so busy, i didn't sit on my chair for the whole day until after cellgroup meeting. but it was realli a good experience and it was an interesting day! i pray that everyday will b a better day. :)
i was not feeling well last night when i was going home. i kept sneezing and i felt a fever coming.. so i told audrey i needa rest today cos i'm totally spent and sick. thank God she managed to find a replacement for children's church singer today.. thanks audrey too!
i won't be able to sing for choir today. cos i didn't attend the important choir practice, which i was not even informed about! i feel kinda torn away from choir since i got into BV.. i dunno so mani things.. now i can't even sing for choir. *sad
i need to go and do my work le. *tired.
mayling signed off at
|10:00:00 AM|
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-Sunday, August 15, 2004-
i can't lie! i can't lie la!!
i was telling myself that i cannot say i am tired ...but i cannot lie and say i am not tired ma! *sigh. i am realli super duper tired today. to the point i nearly collapsed somewhere outside. haha. i walked all around pasir ris today! tiring [again!] but i feel happie cos i walked for very long today!
alright, this morning i went for the 9am svc! [hmm.. he wasn't on duty today]. i woke up at 6am.. so earlie. service was good! funnie preaching [i love pastor kong's preaching!] and interesting parade of ministry. suddenly i felt a strong desire to be on duty for BV soon... but... when will it b my turn? there's no practices for so mani weeks already. next week is dudu fisher's performance and there wun b any practice again. haiz. when??
after the 9am service, we went to 4th floor to buy food... man, the thai food is marvelous! i trtied the asian, thai and jap food. all nice nice de wor! :) didn't get to drink chengteng today. *saddedz. all sold out when i reached 4th floor! it's that fast!
my legs are aching now... haiz. pasir ris is a scary place.
mayling signed off at
|9:13:00 PM|
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-Saturday, August 14, 2004-
i'm always tired?
today i just made a passing remark that 'i'm so tired!' and ian lim said 'u always so tired de la..'. is that true? mayb ba.. mayb it's realli time, i realli must force myself to realli have a healthy lifestyle. sleep at the right times, go exercise, eat healthy food and have healthy mentality.
today is sis sherling and bro tony's ROM! sis sherling wore a realli beautiful light blue dress.. it's realli beautiful! i helped out in the ushering and reception and i was so tired [opps.. tired again..]. my legs very tired.. cos i haven't worn heels for like soooo long! i wore a light blue dress, i bought it like 2 years ago and it's the first time i am wearing it. haha
happy birthday city harvest church! wooo... i've been in church since 4 april 1999. that's 5 years ago! wow... hehe. we haven't been celebrating our anniversaries since we moved to jurong west. so exciting! barry and yeechong came and they responded to the altar call! :) after the service, ivan, daryl and i went to the cafe to buy food... argh, so mani people! ivan bought lots and lots and lots of popcorn. hahaha. cos we couldn't any other food as they didn't have plastic bags for us to tabao. wahah. there're lots of coupons left over too, so i'd spend it with those going for service on sunday morning.
kelly brought a friend called yvonne.. she very funnie wor. nice to talk to, hope she'd come back again! we all went to makan at boat quay after service and i am still so full now! .. hope i dun get nightmares tonight. i haven't had dreams for v long, but i just had one on thursday night! a funnie dream... i dreamt of sis joyce and kelly buying food from KFC for the TCSC staff and they bought this gigantic burger! i dreamt that anthony grabbed a portion of that burger and threw at me and i shouted 'oei, anthony, what are u trying to do??!!'lame dream right... haha
mayling signed off at
|11:16:00 PM|
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-Friday, August 13, 2004-
staff retreat @ aranda country club
nice chalet! looks realli cosy and neat. with 2 bedrooms, 1 living room-cum-dining room, 2 bathrooms and a kitchen.. and of cos the balcony! cool place! i didn't get to sleep in the bedroom tho.. *saddedz.
sis joyce checked in on wednesday and we had a BBQ there. some of the swp boys came and anthony brought them to play pool, i tagged along too... kinda boring actualli *haiz [cos i dunno hw to play]. that night, anthony, denise and i didn't stay overnight, so we went back home.
the next morning on thursday, we had staff meeting-cum-devotion. after that.. we didn't really know where to go. *haiz. i'm kinda regretful that we didn't go wild wild wet... argh, it's such a cool place! hmmm.. next time must go wor! we went for lunch, brought perez for a swim, and den went back to the chalet for awhile. after a short rest, denise, ant and i went to the arcade to play [fun!] before meetin up with eric and fengjin. we went to the beach and got ourselves all wet with the seawater... haiz. we had to go back to the chalet cos cell group was starting and we quickly went to buy stuff and went back for a shower. the cellgroup was as usual short and sweet! the BBQ was realli happening. the brothers were like professional chefs cooking thru the night. just look at all the fires and smokes they made. hehe. of cos they produced realli yummi food too! actualli we wanted to go bowling.. but in the end never go *saddedz. *haiz.
this morning, i was all ready to go home and change, but in the end, we went straight to the office. well, i guess i'd be really rushing all around if i went back home before reporting for work. i missed the office lots. haha. oni had a few hours in the office today, i realised i'd have lots of work for next week... and not to mention that EP is starting next Friday! *overwhelmed. hmm. i dunno what to feel now. nervouse? excited? confused? haha.
tmr's sis sher's ROM.. i was so busy this entire week, it slipped my mind! cos i had no idea which part of the year or month i was in. and it just came to my mind just now.. going for holidays makes me forget my time and dates. haiz.
it's already august! there's so mani things i have planned for year 2004 and they haven't came to pass yet. *anxious. well, i better pray more. haiz. if not, december will come and i'd be even more stressed. i realli need to sort out my life and thoughts properly! i wish i had a longer retreat to realli tink of wat i wanna achieve for the rest of the year. the retreat's abit short.. but i'm glad i had one. i'm running against time, as always!!! *stressed.
mayling signed off at
|10:16:00 PM|
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-Tuesday, August 10, 2004-
oh no. i'm burnt!
i didn't sleep well last night at all. kept tossing and turning and i woke up feeling so tired this morning. my bones were like aching lots and i was yawning away thru the day. hmm, i forgot to bring my wallet out today! gotta borrow money from kelly for "fluffy" [it's a kid's milk drink at McCafe.. nice wor!], denise for lunch, and anthony to top up my ezlink! what a day.. haiz.
i'm badly burnt today. my arms are so red... not to mention my cheeks and nose. my legs too! *argh. my mum says it's time to invest in some sunblock and cap. we celebrated colin's birthday today [his b-day is 12 aug]... he was bombed... water bombed. and he had to look for his b-day gift in the sand.
*yawnz. tired le la.. haha. gotta go and sleep le. tataz.
mayling signed off at
|11:47:00 PM|
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-Monday, August 09, 2004-
happie national day!
it was a quiet and relaxing national day for me! i woke up at 11am and went to buy stuff for the swp outing tomoro. i went home and watched vcds the whole day! i watched "spirited away", "agent body banks" and abit of "minority report" [didn't watch the whole film cos i've watched before le]. "spirited away" is nice!... tho it's about this little girl and little boi, but it's kinda romantic. kind of a happy-sad ending. "agent cody banks" is very cute. teenage action-romance.. nice!
i wanna watch somemore! but nothing catches my eye. last night i remembered moulin rouge when i heard "your song"... i tink i wanna go and buy this vcd and watch the movie again. it's soooo romantic wor! and the songs inside are nice too.. i've got the soundtrack, but i didn't buy the part 2 soundtrack, mayb i should go get it hor?
jay chou's new album is out! so sad.. now missions pledge so no marni to buy wor. actualli have la, but i spent quite alot yesterday when i met some ex-e168 members for a short fellowship.
"happiness is a state of mind"
"sadness, anger, frustrations and whatever negative emotions, God understands and He'd take them away when you are willing to let them go."
mayling signed off at
|8:52:00 PM|
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things are so weird
i can't understand so mani things! :( *stressed
why like that? seems like a lot of things happening behind my back... seems like my life is being manipulated.. seems that i can't even do things that i wanna do! if it's sinful, i know. but it's not! it's totally normal, why can't i do it? and the reasons behind it is so lame. lame to the extent that even a kid will know it's lame. dun fool me, for goodness' sake!!
for the first time in my christian life, i feel that people are trying to put me down. why? are you really my friend? it seems that it's so fake. suddenly i see that some people were just putting on a mask.. in the past, they just kept quiet when i was around, now they rejoice over a change in my life that seemingly gives them an opportunity to stand out. it's so true.. pastor says that some people can act harmless, but given the chance, they'd just turn around and bite u. i'm kinda hurt.. but it does me no benefit to continue feeling that way. i just learn from my mistake!
"i've seen thru u guys. i thought u guys realli respected me and cared for me. it's just a disguise. u guys just turned around and bit me. it's so hypocritical! i hope u realise that it's not right."
of cos, i've got good friends too. i've no time to continue blabbering on abt friends who hurt me.. when i have lotsa good friends who REALLI care despite the distance. friends who stood by me to listen to me.. friends whom i can just easily share with. xiaoyun, u're one of them! thanx for calling me just now. nice talking to ya... thanx for listening to me. :)
mayling signed off at
|12:14:00 AM|
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-Thursday, August 05, 2004-
my brother's back in singapore!
thank God for safety! yay. my brother's back in singapore! i tink he didn't buy lotsa things, cos he went backpacking and his backpack was already SOOOO BIG when he left singapore... so there isn't much space to buy stuff back. he remembered my birthday present tho, a necklace. nice! looks kinda cyber.
hmm, i saw chocolates on the table.. *hees. but i needa cut down on these RICH foods nowadays.. SPICY food too. making my tummy sick. *saddedz.
ohyea, brother bought DAvidoff Cool Water for me... happie! he bought the big bottle 100ml.. quite ex wor.. *heartpain. hehe. but i got what i wan anyway!
so tired today. went for the power team meeting. hmm. at night, we went for the yellow ribbon thingy at touch community centre.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
feel kinda weird recently. i have alot of things in my heart, which i dunno who to share with. in fact, there's no one i can share with except with God. the reason why i haven't shared with anyone human, is becos 1) i dunno who to talk to, 2) i dunno how to explain how i feel, 3) how i feel is probably wrong?... haiz. dunno. i feel very tired. i really feel veryveryvery tired... and kinda sick of the way i am.
will i change? i wanna change!
everything's so weird. i feel very restricted. i feel that i dun have the liberty to be the real me. ever since the changes... i'm gonna go crazy soon if i dun find a way out. *stressed. why is everything so hard. why is life so full of uncertainties? why do i need to face so mani things??
sorry... if i make u worry abt me. i am fine... just abit confused about things. how??
mayling signed off at
|10:53:00 PM|
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-Tuesday, August 03, 2004-
missing e168
should i say this? or should i not? "i seriously miss u guys at e168!".
i'm sorry for not turning up on sunday. if i had known... i'd have gone down despite whatever pain and sickness i had. sorry i didn't know that u guys had prepared things for me, and even made the effort to hide them? altho i dunno what was exactly the plan, but i appreciate the effort that u all had put in. i am so touched! thanx for everything!
let's meet up soon okie?
my life's realli having a major change now... still adapting to it. feeling kinda tired and dun feel like doing anything. can i? i dun tink so...
i go rest le. nitey!
mayling signed off at
|9:24:00 PM|
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-Monday, August 02, 2004-
somethings are just now meant to be!
yea.. that's so true. somethings are just not meant to be! so let go and let God.. and i just wanna enjoy what i have now and look forward to what God has in stored for me.
hmmm.. i feel kinda lighter and free-er now.
sunday, i met up with yun, gwyn and cheekiong for dinner. yun's treat! yummy, i ordered panfried macaroni i tink.. very spicy and nicee. but abit sick after eating most of it. i ordered cranberry peach... nicee!
sunday's BV training was really fun! sis belle is so nice and so patient. i was given a $30 seiyu voucher for my birthday! ooo i missed the last train to punggol so i had to take a cab. *heartpain.
i'm still not so accustomed to s23 yet. overwhelmed.. abit of pressure here and there. the 'culture' is realli different. miss e168 lots...
i miss my brother! he'd be back this thursday! can't wait to see him again.. and of cos what he's be bringing back from europe. haiz.. he spoilt the camera there.. saddedz. if not i'd have lots of pics to see.
today, i went to the centre alone.. cos denise and anthony went to horne rd, kelly and sis joyce went to ikea to get stuff for the centre. i was alone.. marking journals and printing the certs.. kinda busy. ee yang came rather earlie and we had a nice chat while waiting for sis joyce to be back! perez came too... hee, so adorable. but i'm pretty scared of babies.. scared they cry...
i was so super tired and super hungry when i got home! cos i didn't have lunch.. now gotta skip lunch cos of missions fund.. *sad.
i gotta sleep le.. nitey!
pray for my happiness everyday! thanx!!
mayling signed off at
|10:51:00 PM|
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