-Wednesday, June 30, 2004-

BlackOut!

haiz.. just nOw there's a blackOut! thank God i wasn't at hOme.. heehee. can't dO anything if i was at hOme and it'd be so hot right. haha. i was at tampines with rena.. fellowshipping and catching up with each other...

the lights onli came back at 12 midnight!

me me me

haiz. i'm not self-obssessed. just that i wan to focus on my strengths and weaknesses right now. there's so mani... i need to tink and re-assess myself.

i wan to be myself. yet i dun wan to.

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|12:18:00 AM|

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-Monday, June 28, 2004-

Guys, be a man. If U can't, at least be a Boy. don't ever become a SISSY.

frustrated! met a sissy today and he showed me attitude. first ever in my life in TC. i'm now trying to cool down! argh!

i need more patience!

argh...

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|8:40:00 PM|

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-Saturday, June 26, 2004-

Awards Night

it's the awards night for the Streetwise Programme!

i went out to get a new top.. cos i couldn't find any tops that goes with my skirt.. haiz. i took a cab down to the centre and started to prepare the food... halfway thru, some of the EP boys came! had to hurriedly move the half prepared food upstairs, rush to get changed and get into the mood for interviews.. haha. we did very 'chop chop' interviews cos there's so mani and we're really drained... argh. had to repeat the same things over and over again. *tired.

when the interviews were over, i changed into the new top i bought! den just hung around until sister joyce came and we had to rehearse for the performance... after that i setup the living room for the games later.. the boys came around 6pm and man, they look good! hehe. sad that i didn't take pics with them, again.. *sigh

we had games at 6.30pm.. we played double wacko, body parts and alittle bit of squirrel.. haha. the dinner started around 7.30pm... i was soo hungry! haha. the staff served the boys and they cheered about it.. hiya.. after that we had performances by the boys. hmm.. fengjin's and jisheng's group sang, while alvin and desmond's group did drama.. haha. i like alvin's group's drama the most.. very funnie. i luffed until my tears came out.. haha. cute!!

the staff performed too and we sang 'peng you'.. there're also awards for the boys.. if not, it wun be called awards night. haha.

at the end of the night, we closed with a finale song 'friends' ... it's specially dedicated to kianhwee, cos he's graduating tonight! so happie for him.. hee, will miss him lots! i tink barry cried when we're singing the song.. hee. so adorable.

the staff cleaned the place tonight.. haha. so tiring! now i am tired too. but i must jot down my thoughts before i sleep or else i'd never get to sleep.. heehee. alrightey, it's bed time i guess, since i dun watch soccer like the boys do. i am off to dreamyland. heehee.

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|12:47:00 AM|

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-Wednesday, June 23, 2004-

Deep Thoughts

been thinking the whole day.

went for 'meeting' at east coast mac today... and i was thinking.

while the boys were doing pt, i was thinking...

practically, i was in deep thoughts the whole day. i tried to talk alot, joke alot, crap alot to prevent myself from thinking... but failed. right now, i am still thinking. and it's driving me crazy and i am going nowhere.

God help me. there're things i can't do but You can.

there're words i don't know how to verbalise, but You can cause me to speak forth.

You know my limitations and You want me to overcome them.

There're challenges ahead and You want me to face them because You will give me the strength to overcome them.

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|12:28:00 AM|

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-Monday, June 21, 2004-

thoughts. thoughts. thoughts.

it's a day of thoughts thoughts and more thoughts.

thinking. thinking. thinking.

kinda stressed just now, but i guess it's pointless brooding over what's past, over what's to come. i'd just take each day as it comes, live my days to their fullest and expect a really bright future.

realli need more of God in my life. it seems that i am depending too much on my own strength and tinking too much using my own mentality. it'd be so much lighter, leaning upon God's strength and tinking using the wisdom of God. the spiritual part of me seems to be fading slowly everyday... and i need to grab it back!

tomoro will be a brand new day for me... and God.

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|11:39:00 PM|

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anti-herpes movement

i'm gonna do something against the herpes sore on my lips!

Note this...
Herpes: Any of several viral diseases causing the eruption of small blisterlike vesicles on the skin or mucous membranes, especially herpes simplex or herpes zoster.

so there're mani kinds of herpes [not just those STD-kind, in case u're thinking that mine's that kind...].. and mine's on my lips. argh. i remember when i first saw the doctor cos of the sore on my lips, i got stunned for a moment and asked "i tot that's STD?" the doctor luffed and said "nolah, herpes got mani kinds one.." dun even know where i got herpes from.

anyway, it's a viral disease which lies dormant as long as i am healthy, functioning well, metabolism rate is normal and immune system is strong. however, it starts to attack when i get burnt out, have low metabolism rate, immune system is weak... so now u know i am in what state lor. haha

it hasn't been attacking for the past 2 years i tink.

it's time i take notice of my health.. drink more water and eat the right food.

it's 2.14am now. i can't sleep! just now some weird guy speaking some durh language called me! twice! and twice i had to tell him he got the wrong number and i was super irritated. the second time i raised my voice and said "wrong number. don't call this number again!". the reasons why i was so irritated is 1)it's 1plus am for goodness sake, have some common sense that it's not a time to call anyone, esp when it's a wrong number... 2)he called twice consecutively... 3)he has called me before a week ago and i've told him it's a wrong number

...

God take away the sore!

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|2:02:00 AM|

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-Sunday, June 20, 2004-

boring sunday

today i am staying at home to rest... need lotsa rest... my virus attack is making me feel realli sianz... cos of the cold sore on my lips! argh. hate it. looks so ugly.

went to cut my hair this morning... hmm looks like never cut like that. looks the same to me actualli. sianz. den went to charles and keith to buy shoes cos all my shoes are spoilt. my shoes always get worn out very quickly... haiz.

was so tired when i got home i went to sleep again. hee hee. it's 3.56pm now... later will be going out with my family to celebrate father's day! heehee can go magic wok.. heheheheeheheh. always wanted to go there, but always forget to book table in advance. hmmm... today my wish has come true. so funnie right, it's father's day but i get to choose da place to eat. keke.

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|3:53:00 PM|

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-Saturday, June 19, 2004-

blogging...

time flies so fast! it's already saturday and my last entry was for monday...

seriously, i've been feeling physically tired.. yet mentally active. the conflict is driving me crazie! been tinking alot about work and putting alot of mental and physical energy into what i'm doing. talked to nana on msn last night and i told her how tired i am actualli... altho i realli enjoy my work so far and am looking forward to even more challenges. been learning alot, and experimenting alot, and stepping out more... well, these 2 months or more have been a great learning experience for me. it's realli like a ministry.

my body's immune system is weak again. the virus is attacking me again. and i hate it. makes me feel sianz. i hope the virus recover by monday, if not...i'd be more sianz.

this week we played angel and mortal game in swp and my mortal is fengjin, while my angel is ben soh! i spent 2 evenings shopping for the gift with kelly. it was fun in the beginning but at the end of it, both of us were super tired.

salehin graduated on the 17th june. didn't get to celebrate his birthday-cum-graduation cos i was meeting the new boys coming for the eureka program... saddedz! didn't even get to say bye to him cos when they left, i was still meeting the new people.

i'm going to cut my hair later! yay. i didn't realise i needed a hair cut until my members told me last night... hehe. we had a simple bbq last night.. i ate 3 sausages and 1 crabmeat and some fried rice. not much appetite to eat last night. and... my leather sandals broke. why... *sob

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-Monday, June 14, 2004-

sunday

went for visitations today! so tired... but it was fun. much better den the first time [and also the previous time] i went... felt so boring and super draining and tedious... cos that time dunno the other staff so well. i made one of the participant's little cousin cry...cos he wanted to leave with me to go out... haha. haiz... next time cannot go there again...

monday...east coast outing

today so tired again! but it was fun... went to meet denise earlie in the morning at pasir ris and when we reached bedok, all the boys and ivan were there... so we took bus to east coast. went to mac for breakfast... den we started off the day at the beach with 'squirrel', 'tee tee tee tiu' and wacko [aiya, the boys always play cheat one. dun like this game cos i always kena sabo.]... [just realise that we always play the same games..but still very fun]. the telematch quite fun but abit luan... hehe. shall not elaborate. after that we played capt banana and capt lime. hmmm... this time we bought very ripe bananas so the got squashed very easily.. heheehe. so eeeeky lor! the lime one was better. but i cannot see the lime cos so small. after that was lunch time, and we played 'tee tee tee tiu' with the boys who didn't go and buy lunch. aiyo... alvin forfeit again, he kissed jisheng... den barry had to propose to sheena.. haha

the next game was scavenger hunt... followed by free time and the angel and mortal game.. so tired after that! i almost can't keep my eyes open.. and my limbs were weak. felt like fainting! actualli wanted to take 15 to pasir ris den go home... but decided to go parkway and have dinner and buy present... in the end cannot find, so kelly and i went to compass point and found my pressie there. heehee

ah, very tired le. i go sleep liaoz...

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|11:50:00 PM|

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-Saturday, June 12, 2004-

updates... sorry for not blogging for so long

monday, 7 june

today denise and i are back @ onan road to start preparing for ep... reports have come in and we have to go thru them. so the boys are back @ horne road with kelly. it's such a quiet day for us. i almost died-ed with that unusual serenity.. haha. kinda missing the noise from the boys when they are walking ard on the 2nd floor.

had some fun playing the fax machine with kelly.. she brought the boys out to swim and amazingly some of them dunno how to swim! wahahah. p/s: i can swim k... haha

ooooo, kelly decided to bring the boys over. cos the teeshirts have arrived and ... the boys can help me do area cleaning at onan rd. yippee! the place was filled with live and laughters again.

tuesday, 8 june

it's wild city chase for the boys today. so the whole day i was doin my admin stuff etc etc and was so tired! the boys came back after 4.30pm and could see that they're even more tired, having ran around town the entire day and the clues were so hard and some of them totally unsolvable. i wouldn't have even cracked the first one. *opps.

wednesday, 9 june

kelly's flown off to hongkong. missing her lotsa! the boys will be coming to onan while she's away. hmmm... today's indoor games for them. we played loads and loads of games! and i enjoyed my self alot, the boys had their share of fun too. we played word search in the morning, which requires lotsa eye and brain power. it tires me out cos i have to mark them so i decided to end the session earlie and let them have a rest and go for lunch.

after lunch was more fun! we played 'human bingo'. we played 'squirrel', i tot it's a game that'd bore them but it's really fun. the boys play cheat, as usual. wahahaha. den we played the usual 'tee tee tee tiu' game... played so mani times but it's still fun. we also played 'ouch' or should i say they played, cos i didn't join in thie 'violent' game. the funnest game was 'blind mice'. it's so funnie! we also played treasure hunt in the centre. pretty cool. later, ivan led them to play balloon game. it's fun! but i never realli dared to play it cos of the noise and the imaginary pain if i step on balloons. tried to overcome it, but it still scares me too much to try.

brought the boys out for a short bball game since it stopped raining. den we hurriedly went back to do area cleaning and released them at 5pm.

ivan and i had to go for musician's practice for the helper's meeting, but when we reached there around 6pm, only lok sze and ben were there. cindy was there for the sound too. we couldn't do much, since the drummer wasn't there and 2 of the singers have not arrived. so i tested the mike and waited...

the helper's meeting was pretty interesting, as bro gab answered the questions which we asked him a few weeks back. he also gave us an assessment on leadership, which i scored only 64. he also shard with us the functions of an armorbearer. i've read that article the first time i came to church! so it's a pretty good revision for me, since i've forgotten some of them.

the meeting ended at 10plus.. wooooo. sis joyce drove me, ivan and sheena to outram and we took cab home from there... *tired

thursday, 10 june

it's PowerTeam Meeting [ptm] today at BBH. shall not elaborate much, except that it was from 9.30am t0 1pm. oh yes, and the food was good. heehee.

after the ptm, sis joyce drove me to harbour front and i was contemplating where to go. i wanted very much to go home and sleep.. but i couldn't. and thank God i managed to overcome that lazy thought. i went to JP instead, to finish my work and also applied for a starhub line. so now i have a new number, incase u're not informed... hee. the one that starts with 9475 is no more...

yun and na came to look for me at JP and they sat with me for a while before we headed for church. i reached cafe at 5.15pm and i saw loksze and ben. erm... so.... the rest? they slowly came in one by one and guess what ivan's the last to come in and all of us suan him. cos he's the one who sms us not to be late yestie...

we watched 2 vcd for the zone meeting and it's realli impactful. it makes me wanna repent cos my love for God is realli so minimal compared to what the chinese believers have. makes me wanna cry when i see their compassion. there's compassion in their words, their voice, their actions and their eyes. it's not just the speaking that they do, but the doing too. i realli wanna start from somewhere, but where...

the meeting ended off with a praise and everyone left the place charged up and excited. and i believe physically tired too, but not the spirit!

friday, 11 june

today denise did word search with the boys and i gave grouptalk. grouptalk's on the topic, crush. hee. it's fun and there's a joke today.. which i can't share here. it's about my dear friend, kelly! hee... those who wanna know come ask me.. wahahaha

brought the boys to joochiat complex for lunch. wanted to eat roti john, but dun have. why always cannot find roti john de! sianz. so i bought 2 packets of chicken rice back to eat with denise.

latr, the boys went to play bball... not much today tho.

after work, i was totally knocked out so i decided to share cab with ivan. i went to compass point to buy the outing stuff and i bought lotsa things for home too. and yes, i bought REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUPS and who said it can't be found in Singapore?? that was the main energy-giver for me to go and buy the outing stuff today. was so tempted to just go home and SLEEP. lack of sleep for the past few days...

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|10:49:00 AM|

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-Tuesday, June 08, 2004-

I need more of God

it's one of those weird nights when i can't fall asleep. despite the fact that i was truly tired, sleepy and needin rest. i did drift into dreamland for a while but i started tossing and turning in bed since 1am... and it's 2.12am now.

been neglecting God since i came back from thailand... i tink. was a struggle in the beginning, but now it scares me that i am almost giving in to the comfort of living life on my own. it may seem fun, simple and carefree to live a life free of God, but it's never what it seems to be. being a christian for almost 6 years now, temptations, tiredness and thoughts of giving up do hit me when i am tired and when i am not focusing on God. emerge conference came as a wakeup call for me to start focusing on the pursuits that God has placed in my life again. nothing beats following God, nothing can be simpler den following the plan that God has laid for my life, nothing can be more carefree den being able to leave everything in the mighty hands of God...

i need to walk more with Jesus. i need to read His word more. i need to talk to Him more... i need more of His Spirit within me... i need more of His wonderful presence in my life...

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|2:13:00 AM|

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-Friday, June 04, 2004-

Emerge Conference

Emerge 04 is over! i just got home, ate my instant mee and now feeling satisfied, spiritually and physically! haha.

it had been great, so powerful! i didn't manage to attend the entire thingy, partly due to my swp camp and partly cos of some things that happened at home. nevertheless, i received lotsa encouragement and spiritual revival through the 2 sessions i attended! esp. tonight, the word was great! the atmosphere was great too! altho i was so tired physically [my body is still aching from the camp and the bowling] but the spirit man is excited! tonight was the grand finale and everyone was so hyped up.

the talentime was fantastic! i'm so happy for regina and gang, they did realli realli well! they realli stood out from the other groups who got into the finals. u guys rokz! their performance realli left a deep impression in my heart.. cool cool.

kinda sleepy now. hee. gonna KO soonz.. hehe. til den.

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|12:34:00 AM|

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-Tuesday, June 01, 2004-

Streetwise Programme Camp

Day 1: 31 may 2004

today is the first day of the camp! i was already at the centre since last night with kelly cos we did not want to wake up so earlie today. cellgroup starts at 9.30am but eric and barry came at 8am to have breakfast with us. the 4 of us were walking to macdonalds to have breakfast, but kelly had to turn back halfway cos cedric had reached the centre.. the rest of us continued to go to mac to tabao breakfast back. on the way back, i met karen at the bus stop!

vincent and james came for cellgroup too and we played games.. kelly was the game master but she lost the game. so durh. we had nasi lemak for refreshments! so cool.. so yummie!

the swp bois came in one by one and gatherd in the activity room. we checked their bags and den got them to get ready for sentosa! kelly, denise and i brought them to sentosa by bus 30. we had lunch at harbourfront mac... [mac again..]. when we reached palawan beach, it was already 3 plus. it was free time for the bois, some of them went swimming, some played soccer. kelly, denise and i just rot there and got ready for games. we started games at 4pm and we played water bomb captain's ball first. benedict tan's group was very fast! it's so funnie.. haha. second game was captain banana and it was a super duper eeky game. seeing bananas fly all over the place and boys running around to catch them and then seeing the bananas being squashed... yucks. the best part was when colin threw the banana right from one end of the 'court' to the other where salehin was, and it just got squashed in his hands. it was such a funnie sight!! den we played a cool 'sand-game'. quite a lame one but it was kewl. i like that game! the boys were asked to dig a very deep hole.. put someone inside, bury that person and pile up as high as possible. lastly, they were asked to dig that person out. last game was a strtegy game called pidi padi. basically, they were throwing water bombs at each other... haha. we ended the beach games by asking the boys to throw water bombs at each other. salehin threw a bomb at my pants! so eeky... haha. the beach games were fun!!

after the washup, freetime and dinner, i brought the boys to the grass patch at the campsite to play games. we played 'ouch'.. hah. and we played 'zhong ji mi ma'. came up with some dumb forfeits like: edwin = had to shout "i am the fittest!"... yongliang = wear 3 watches and then go and ask some stranger for the time... fahmy = pole dancing at the lamp post... salehin = go to someones bbq pit, stare at the fire and shout "got fire ah!"... best was alvin's, he had to kiss colin on his cheeks. *kewl

freaky night.. not as freaky as i thought. soon got used to the darkness and i started to try to scare some people, but i was quite lousy with that. haha. it was pretty boring.. haha. during the later part, yee chong came to help out at my hiding area and we started to do some realli good scaring. hah. ben tan's reaction was the cutest. haha. he shouted realli loudly when kelly scared him at the first floor...

Day 2: 31 may 2004

woke up at 6.10am, but the noise made by the bois. so noisy! was supposed to keep watch at 4.30am but no one woke me up... so i slept thru the night. since i slept the most, i had to give grouptalk. i didn't mind giving grouptalk, really, but i didn't reali like the way i was being said as "the one who slept the most". well, not that i want to, i did ask to be woken up at 4.30am. it doesn't feel good at all.

the grouptalk topic was "Cooperation". the bois were not cooperative. made me feel so cranky right in the morning. they were making so much noise during the grouptalk, some of them were literally interrupting every sentence i said. i know some of the bois really do listen and some actualli did help me to shut the rest up. u know who u are and i realli appreciate that! today is the first time i got realli angry... we played "tangle" to end of the grouptalk. jisheng's group kept cheating! they're creative tho. haha. i still forfeited them by asking them to write the words "streetwise programme" with their butt. realli funnie.

teamwork games followed after that and they played spider web and the color-game.

"shi zi lu kou" was after lunch. the boys left the centre and we had time to rest. well, to compensate for "sleeping so much", i decided to help kelly answer the phonecalls, cos the boys would have to call her everytime they complate a station. kelly was the most tired i must say. so much to do, so much to take note of and not enough rest. at 4 plus, we travelled down to marina south and waited for the boys, as their final task is to look for us there. ben's group came back first, but they made a mistake in their game. hmm.. but i still like their team spirit and individual members' attitude. very very sporting. they spent alot of transport and some of them realli had no transport money already.. while waiting for the rest of the groups to come back, jisheng, vincent and i played bowling. jisheng was good! he scored 111.

went for steamboat when all the bois were back and i was at the same table with ben soh, fengjin, james, yee chong, salehin, fahmy,aik ming, damien and yongliang. i shared the same steam boat with ben soh, fengjin, james and yeechong. i have fun bbq-ing with them! they realli ate alot and fengjin kept eating the same food: seaweed or the yellow color chicken meat... hmm. yeechong didn't seem to eat alot and he didn't talk much too. james and fengjin and ben kept eating and eating, even when others had swtiched off their steamboats. i cooked vege and 'forced' them to eat, cos they kept eating meat only... finally when they swtiched off th steamboat, fengjin says it's not becos he is full, but he was lazy to continue cooking.. haha

we continued the night by bowling... the staff played together with the boys. i played the first game myself and shared the second game with fengjin. and yay, we won! haha.

the night was long. when we reached the centre, we did smokerlizer checks. after that the boys did AC and bathed. by the time they finished bathing, it was 3.10am and we started the debrief. 3.40am, they wrote their journals. 4am lights out.. and within 10min, we could hear snores.

Day 3: 1 june 2004

the morning exercise was pushed to 8am. i woke up ay 7.30am. most of the boys had washed up already. at 8am, we checked their bags before they went for pt. after the pt was prize presentation. we all left the centre with our bags at around 12noon and went for lunch at long john... everyone was very tired and we all quickly ate and left for home.

sleepy...

realli enjoyed this camp alot and had a chance to know the boys better, but still, ep will start soon! prollie in 2 weeks latest. such mixed feelings. but i realli thank God for the opportunity to serve in SWP for the past one month plus. it's been challenging and realli memorable for me.

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