-Thursday, September 30, 2004-

...TCSC... pls read!

i feel so weird. today is my last day here. i woke up in the morning feeling realli down. it's the last time i'd be waking up and getting ready to go to TCSC as a staff. the feeling is weird, even as i left my house, the feeling is so low. it'd be the last time my dad will be sending me to onan road.. prolly the last time i'd blog here so earlie in the morning? hehe. was praying when i was on my daddy's bike. alot of doubts and fear had come, but i held on to God's leading and promises. things will b great and i'd still be able to impact the lives of the special group of people who mean so much to me - youths.

i never understood why i love youths so much and why i can communicate with them so well [i'm not boasting! i really love communicating with youths!]. i believe it's a gift from God.. i feel so comfortable with them and i love helping and guiding them thru. mayb it's becos i had been thru this stage before and i know it's not easy being in between childhood and adulthood.. i love being part of their lives, being their mentor, being a listening ear for them whenever they need. i may not always give advice, but i promise i'd hear u! :) and i'd put myself in ur shoes and understand u the best i can. :) i love this special gift that God has given.

i'm quite on the contrary when i'm with people older den me tho.. haha, i tone down alot and become very 'S'. haha. so i need to break this thing. i nid a breakthru!

there's so much i wanna write here. today is a day where i'm gonna leave a place where i learnt so much, not just from co-workers, but also from the boys. they may b much younger than me, but u never know how much u can learn from them. it's amazing what they have given to me and put into my life. things that i'd never forget, things that i love and hold so dearly to me, things that will be in my heart forever. they have brought to me so much laughter, joy, fun, smiles, sense of satisfaction, friendship, and so much more! youths can never to referred to as 'mere youths'. they are a wonderful group of people!

tho i feel sad abt leaving, but i can understand why God leads me in this direction. i just need more time to see the fullness of His promise coming to pass as i begin to walk in this path. it's gonna be more than what i can imagine and i claim that by faith in the name of Jesus!


sis joyce: thankz for being a wonderful boss to me in tcsc. i've learnt alot, been scolded at times but it's just part and parcel of life that i'd get corrected. u're a v confident person and i wish i could be more like u and i know i can only achieve that as i continue to seek the Lord more and yield myself to His word. thanks for everything!

kelly: my good colleague and friend. times are not the same anymore but i treasure the friendship that we have! u have helped me lots in this place and it's u who taught me lotsa stuff and guided me as i started off in this place. and i'm always so inspired by the way u scold people.. haha. v fierce but very zai. miss the times we fa feng in the office! and of cos the times we went out to makan after work.. i'd miss u even more after i leave this place. must he mu gong chu with everyone, haha, which i see that u are doing now. u are smiling more le! :) take care of the boys kk! and give grouptalk when i'm not around! wahahahah..

denise: yozz, thanks for ur c-ness.. haha. which keeps everything in order. a great colleague who takes good care of us all, never failing to ask if we wanna eat breakfast if she's gg to buy. and she's always doing reports after reports.. see her i liddat i'd feel the work stress also. haha. all the best and take care!

anthony: thanks for being a great colleague.. u're like a big brother to me here! always asking if i am ok when i behave weird [like keeping quiet.. which i always do when i have mood swing haha] and buying me lunch when i no money! and thanks for all the blessings, which includes the FOX bag which i love so much! thanks for ur words of encouragement in my life, tho i know u oni 3 months but u have been great. why u so 'S'? den sometimes make me feel v bad cos i v 'D' den it seems i am bullying u liddat [which may b true sometimes, wahahaha]. yes, u are lame and have lots of lame jokes but it's not a bad thing..haha. dun miss me too much. haha. *will be back de!

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will miss ya boys!

today's my last day with da boys! was v sad.. didn't wanna talk much today and no appetite to makan also. thanks for the meal! we had staff lunch at bugis today, a cool restaurant.. nice 'snails'! haha

i was v sad when i was flipping thru the grouptalk file today.. i wanted to do 'managing change' but i knew i'd cry if i do that.. to me, leaving TC is a great change in my life. tho i'd still come back often to help, but things will nv be the same again. however, i feel confident about this decision. guess what.. i cried in the toilet.. hehe. after that i decided to do 'love language' for gptalk instead. hehe. i like that topic! :) i was quite frustrated when same of the boys didn't pay attention. Hmph..

i had a nice surprise at the end of the day. the staff and the boys wrote notes for me.. i felt like crying!! and the staff gave me a really nice pen with my name carved on it..how cool! i love it and i read the notes over and over again.

will miss all of u guys. thanks for the fun and joy and laughter u all brought to my life!! *hugs

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-Wednesday, September 29, 2004-

counting down.. 2 days

woke up by the usual alarm i set everyday for work. den i realised that today we'll be reporting late... it's another hard day for me. sometimes i get quite emotional at times but well, i've grown over the months and i've learnt how to control. now i won't get so down until i just 'stone'. i'd start tinking of other stuff.

tmr will be the last day my hp alarm rings for me to get up.. to go and work.

andrew gan sms me and asked why am i leaving.. *sad. last night on msn vincent and hockseng and anthony said i looked sad.

well.. i am quite sad la. haha. la la la.

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-Tuesday, September 28, 2004-

happie mooncake festival!

it should be mid-autumn festival.. haha, but some ppl call it lantern or mooncake festival. haha.

this morning, my godson came centre v earlie, so anthony, denise and i went into sis joyce office for devotion while we left them to do their own things.. it was a good time of devotion! in the beginning was quite funnie cos anthony dunno how to start liddat and we were laughing away. hehe. but the message was realli good.. it's like a word of assurance from God. recently i feel realli blessed by all the sermons and encouragement from ppl around me. thanx! and thanx to anthony for the word and his prayer and also his word of encouragement. i realli felt v blessed during the last part when we're praying.. the presence of God reali came and i can't help but cry. today was a hard day for me, i had to hold back my tears thruout the day.

i'm gonna miss everyone! it's such a weird feeling today.. *haiz. i've been there for 5 months le! and i learnt so much and gave so much and gained so much.

anyway, today we celebrated mooncake festival! cool cool. the newspaper games was fun, actualli i wished i was one of them playing.. cos it's fun! haha. after that we went out to play mid-autumn hunt. haha.. v fun, but my gp oni 4 persons lo.. so few.

at night we play the apple in the pail game.. u guess how we play la, dun wan to tell u. wahahah. den we went out to the bball court to play sparklers and lantern and candles.. hhe. they play so fast.. and we had to go back to centre also cos time is up le.. den we celebrated hafiz yusoff bday.

tired.. haha

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-Monday, September 27, 2004-

heartache

was thinking of a tune in my mind, when suddenly i heard a loud sound. it's the sound of my guitar hitting the floor. it fell of the chair. how silly i was.. to put my guitar on a chair?? ... :( now it has a crack 5cm long on it's body. feel like crying now..

i'm almost completing the next song. waiting for the tune for the chorus part. it's a secular song by the way.. hee.

tmr is mooncake fest! will b celebrating with the ep and swp boys. interesting! anthony and i were doing the planning for the 'mid-autumn hunt' today, i think it's a cool game. haha. and it'd be fun tmr i tink. heeee. i bought the mooncakes le! and sparklers too! :)

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God will Bless me Abundantly!

i went for 2 services this week! i love it.

i love the sermon! the word of God is so wonderful, it always comes at the right time. i went down for ministry when i attended service 2 and i was really blessed by the laying on of hands by pastor tan. i felt the presence of God so strong, it's like falling down on me and i could sense the 'weight' so real. when i walked back to my seat, i felt the word of God 'burning' inside of me and He wants me to renew my mind and put on a new mind. i feel so much more renewed, refreshed, excited, and confident now. God is with me,who can be against me?

actualli was planning to go service 4 with vincent and james, but james was a bit late and he didn't want to miss any part of the service so we decided to go for service 5 instead. so we went to the coffeeshop opposite to have our breakfast and fellowship. i love the service. jumped lots. haha

after that we went home and we didn't sleep on the train! we talked all the way, how fun.

was reall tired when i got home so i rested. and went out to meet jan and den kenneth to go for the bbq.

erm.. the food was nice. esp the crabs. bbq crabs. how cool.

God gave me 2 more songs this week.. have yet to perfect them. i'm excited.

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-Tuesday, September 21, 2004-

painful day

was in pain! almost passed out for a moment.. hehe

met up with kenneth cheng at compass in the evening. it was a great chat with him and i am very happy that i met him and heard what he had to tell me.

mum made french toast for supper! she seldom does that, she must be real hungry. she actuali wanted me to get burgers home, but i reached home before she could call me. *hahaz

didn't play guitar today cos no time.. now v late le and mama watching tv in the room. still in pain worz. God help me.

mayling signed off at
|11:18:00 PM|

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-Sunday, September 19, 2004-

happy sunday

had a great rest today!

prayed alot.

weather was good too!

mayling signed off at
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SOT 2005

so tired this morning! almost didn't want to get up.. i only got up at 11am. feel so tired [again]. wahaa...

met gladys on the tampines shuttle bus and we had a niceee talk! so happie to see her! she is my JC good friend. she told me abt bible school and now i am even more determined to go. someone, sponsor me! hehe.

brother gabriel met those who wants to go to bible school next year at the rooftop after service. it was v encouraging. he only talked to us for less den 10min, but i feel so inspired and convicted about going to bible school to be more equipped with the word of God. i can't wait for 2005.

had a chat with brother gabriel just now. altho it's just a 15min chat but i felt so relieved after talking to him. there's just an anointing and atmosphere around him that makes people wanna pour everything out and he'd just put himself into our shoes and understand us. during the conversation i teared and he just listened and gave me some advice. i felt so totally understood by him. he is a fantastic leader! just like a father to all of us. can't believe that i can still tell him things so easily cos i haven't been talking to him for sooooo long! he is so much like Jesus! i can feel that i can just tell him all my weaknesses and my struggles and he'd not look down on me, condemn me.. but he'd still show love and concern. what a wonderful leader. God bless Brother Gabriel!

went back to tampines and rena took bus with us. talked to nana alot today and we wanna go bible school together. how cool. remember she went thailand with me also? hee. we're going places! haaa.. ok ok. i really hope we can go. and yunz too! that'd be so fun.

i just realise that someone mayb spreadin 'twisted facts' about what i confided in him/her. i'm totally sad abt it. i'm not negative abt things, realli! i've got great friends, great family.. but well, i know it's the very truth and reality about life that u just cannot trust everyone.

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-Friday, September 17, 2004-

i got update~!

hmm.. i got update my blogs de wor!!

i nearly vomitted just now. realised that i cannot eat mentos when i am in moving vehicles or i'd get nauseous. that's why i did just now and i struggled to visitation and to get home.

that brings back to my mind the times when i was in uni! sometimes i'd eat mentos on my way to school and it'd make me sick. i'd go straight to the ladies and vomit once i reach school. afterwhich, i'd b too sick to go to class.. the rest is for u to guess. haha. :p

alrighty! today i was at horne road when eric called and asked where was i. told him and den he said he'd drop by. he called again at 4pm and told me he's at orchard and might not be dropping by horne road. alright, fine.. at about 4.15pm, the doorbell rang. james and i went to the door but there was no one.. i asked james was it him playing a prank when suddenly eric and alvin popped out.. everyone laughed. haha.

at 4.45pm, vincent, james, aikming, eric, alvin and i made our way to onan road... guess what? edwin, andrew and bentan were there! so cool.. hehe. missed them all. :) hockseng came for cellgroup too. happiz!

oh,i finally met the new swp boy today. he is so cute. and v talkative. it's good having him for grouptalk! he talks and doesn't shower me with nonsense.. :)

i need a keyboard! someone buy me one! haha.. [not computer keyboard. electronic keyboard.]

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-Thursday, September 16, 2004-

Jesus is the music that's alive in me

He's my life, my inspiration, my source of music, source of strength, source of joy, He's my everything!! so happie now that i'm spending more time with Jesus everyday. the best times are when i am alone and i can sing to Him.

today was fun! went for CSO [Community Service Order] with a few boys. there're so cute actualli and we laughed alot together. got to know them better and it was fun being with them.. taught me some malay words too and today i know that 'buaya' which means flirt.. also means crocodile!i asked one of them y is crocodile associated with flirt and he said 'cos u know.. the crocodile like to find food [prey] so some guys like to find girls..' and we all laughed. one of the boys' father's name means 'saturday'! so amazing isn't it? they told me that actualli they know people whose names mean 'monday'.. 'sunday'.. etc. cool huh. just like names in english like 'june' or 'april'.

i just went out to the kitchen to place my used dishes.. God spoke to me! in that few seconds that i walked out and back, He spoke to me a v clear word.. which is true and .. i'm thinking how am i going to overcome that. He said that i let circumstances determine my emotions too much. when times are good, i go all high and euphoric.. when things are not looking good, i dun look good too and i go all depressed. i wanna change that. i wanna be filled with the joy of the Lord alwiz.

tmr can report at 10, but i shall go earlier to save on transport [cos my dearest father will send me there] and use the time to pray too! isn't that cool?imagine 2 hours of time with Jesus in that big room? hehe. some of u may b tinking i'm flakey now. i'm NOT. that's what happens when u're so in love with Jesus.:)

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-Wednesday, September 15, 2004-

drained

thank God that my dad came to fetch me home last night. i was almost dead, i was so drained of my energy. the ride home was pretty long.. traffic jam and lavender was further from my house den onan road. when i got home, i did some stuff on my laptop and then i started to play my guitaR on my mum's bed, before i knew it, i was lying flat on the bed and dozing off. i was soooo tired. alot of things happened yesterday and i didn't have a good night's sleep.

i didn't get to sleep till 12 midnight, i lied on my bed for one hour before i could fall asleep..alot of things was on my mind and the phone was ringing. haiz. so i switched it off and went to bed..

this morning dad drove me to paya lebar, cos lavender was too far and he'd b late for work if he drove me there. so i took a bus from paya lebar to lavender.. when i reached lavender, den i got to know that this morning i've gotta go to onan.. so i crossed the mrt underpass and took a bus back to paya lebar..

now at office. just printed out the reports and now waiting for the rest to come. God grant me strength.

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-Sunday, September 12, 2004-

God, help me

something bad just happened at home.

will anyone understand how it feels? there's many kinds of family problems, but i really hate this. some of u know what it is, some of u don't. sometimes i tell myself that i'm used to it already, but how could i ever get used to a problem? yes it is bothering me, but it bothers my parents even more. i hate to see my parents hurting. i wish i could just solve this problem.. but it's a really huge one, one that's been with me since the day i was born. God, help us!

today went for visitations with kelly. it was fun at james' house! he played the keyboard and even sang a self-composed song. real nice, i love it! he's real talented, hope he makes it big someday. kinda envious of him, he has a jamming room at home. how cool is that huh?

i'm glad to be at home with mum and dad. recently, i miss them alot, since i started working.. havent seen them alot. and i realised it's not easy to earn money, and to support a family with 3 kids! i wunder how my dad did it, i really dunno how he did. sometimes when i tink of my mum and dad, i'd tear.. i feel that they've went thru so much for me. how could i ever repay them? i remember clearly there was once i was on the way to work on a bus and i was eating a sandwich prepared by my mum.. and tears just rolled down my cheeks.. thank God for my parents and of cos not forgetting my beloved eldest brother who helped me alot in my studies and sometimes.. financially!

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-Saturday, September 11, 2004-

it's saturday!

ooo it's saturday morning! woke up really earlie this morning.. mum bought prata for us! cool.. nice hot pratas. yummiz

last night i was super tired.. as usual.. like always tired hor? that's not good leh.. yestie cellgroup was realli earlie, at 4.30pm! we ended at 6pm.. wow. we had fellowship until like 9 den we left. yestie barry, vincent, james, aikming, eric, hockseng and andrew came! so happie! :) barry stayed til v late with us cos he no curfew! i 'psycho-ed' him to take the NEL with me [altho he had a straight bus home.. haha], so we took to outram and den changed to the NEL. he said i was very 'siao' last night.. haha, i tink i'm too stressed le, so needa 'release' haha. when i reached home, it was v late le.. 10.30pm liddat.. den i cannot sleep cos was waiting for someone to call me. argh. but in the end i couldn't take it anymore and i dozed off at 12midnight..

later will be going for service! yea.. !

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-Wednesday, September 08, 2004-

sore throat

i haven't blogged for a few days. been kinda busy. haha.

today went to east coast park for outing with swp and ep. it rained pretty heavily so the boys were dismissed earlie. i felt v lethargic actually, i tink i need to exercise more.. my energy level is running realli low recently. i must be as energetic as before!!

rested in the office and went for visitations at night. anthony blessed me with a bag from FOX! how cool! it's the bag i've been eyeing since July.. hahaz. cool cool.

i need more time... i wish there's like more than 24 hours everyday. more time to pray, more time to rest, more time to do things that i wanna do and more time to read up on things i wanna learn.

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-Saturday, September 04, 2004-

mean girls

i watched mean girls last night before i slept.. another VCD treat! hee. it was a nice movie.. actualli i find most movies nice, as long as it's not some action or some really chim science-fiction story.. hahaz. best are romantic comedies. mean girls is a nice one.. i find it very meaningful. it's not just some dumb-blonde or babe show.. well, u should go watch it.

woke up at 6.58am today and went back to sleep after realising it's still so earlie. woke up at 9am and lie on the bed til 9.32pm.. now tinking of going out earlier to tampines to take a look at the electronic keyboards.. time to start saving up for one! :) or should i go back to bed and sleep? haha.

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-Thursday, September 02, 2004-

giddy

today i drank iced mocha vanilla at coffee club. now i'm v giddy. actualli was feeling v giddy just now le.. but have to tahan all the way home. i'm caffeine-intolerant.. haiz. wat a contradiction, i'm a coffee-lover yet i can't take coffee.

i'm saving up to buy a keyboard.. i wanna learn to play the keyboard, sounds like fun.. more den just fun, i think it's great to learn something new. *smiles.

hmm.. i'd be watching mean girls VCD tonight, i hope i have the time. it's wonderful to watch VCD sometimes, v relaxing..

dunno what to type le. so shall end here. :)

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|8:12:00 PM|

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bruce almighty!

just watched the bruce almighty VCD. it's so funnie! my mum was sleeping and i was in the room luffing...hehe. nice show, nice storyline too. there was a part when bruce tried to make grace love him.. altho he had the power, but it was something that was not within his control. it's so true, we can't make people love us, but we can love people and most importantly, we must have self-love and treasure this life that God has given to us. at the ending of the story, bruce prayed for grace's happiness and his prayers came to pass.. they got together! it's so sweet. :) it's more than just a comedy, but it really renews my mind about prayers and God.

it's 12.48am now! not realli tired yet.. i'm a night-person. i'm more energetic at night. been tired recently, but i still treasure the serenity of night time alot.. peaceful, quiet, cooling! reminds me of the times when i was still a student, i loved staying up to study, drinking coffee, sometimes chatting while trying to study. i loved to doodle too.. i used to have a mahjong table to study on and i'd doodle on the mahjong paper. haha. was fun! when i was in JC, it was normal for me to study until i fall asleep.. and i slept in front of the teacher in class! haha.. JC life was the worst of my schooling life.. v tiring and stressed...hee. uni life was the best.. lotsa freedom. shall not elaborate here.. hehe.

i'm one day nearer to my dream!

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