-Wednesday, February 02, 2005-

'will-ing' myself to be positive

sounds like a contradicting statement. willing. will-ing. i wanna will myself to be positive sounds like i am making myself do it, so it becomes not so willing after all. so does the word 'willing' realli mean willing or unwilling or half-way between willing and unwilling or it's willing in a sense that it's a self-motivated action instead of an other-motivated action?

i'm mad.

yesterday was the worst day of my life in 2005 so far. let that be the worse ever for my life pls! never felt so down and frustrated and outraged in my life before. i nearly broke down in the office.. well, i didn't. went somewhere to cool down. sometimes it scares u and disappoints u to know that the person u hang out with and call 'good fren' just suddenly treats u like rubbish. and eating ur ego food? just to make herself happier? puts u down and tinking that it's right just becos.. it's a 'good fren'? u get what i mean? total shock. total sadness. partly it's my fault i guess. i trust people too easily sometimes and get myself so hurt.

was alone buying stamps at post office after training. and my boss kenneth was kind enough to come down and talk to me. he's not just a boss, but also a 'cellgroup leader' kind of character in my work life. just like brother gab. altho i didn't feel totally fine after that, but i felt more positive.

boss says monday go for new yr celebration! yay! go karaoke wor.

supposed to do some calling in office this morning.. hee, but i woke up abit late. den gotta do some spring cleaning later. so will go office later ba! got appt in the late afternoon. i realli wanna do well for this year. january is gone. february be a good month pls! :)

mayling signed off at
|10:18:00 AM|

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