-Friday, March 05, 2004-

I Can't Sleep. I Just Can't

it's one of those nights which i can't sleep without a proper reason. I did take coffee, but it wasn't strong and it wasn't late-night. i'm not too excited about anything.

i just can't sleep. it's 3.17 + 35min now [my lappy's slow by 35min, that's why].

I'm not being super-spiritual, but i know i am not able to sleep becos i haven't been spending enough time with Jesus. I thought of Him just now when I was lying on my bed. I had a vision of Jesus, sitting at a dining table, waiting for me to just sit down beside Him and dine with Him, talk to Him. Suddenly i saw myself rushing past the table many times, serving others, but i never really sat down. At times, i looked at Him as I hurried past and I smiled at Him, but i did not stop and sit with Him, the one i say i love. i felt my heart ache. even now. a few times, i sat down at the table and talked to Jesus. most of the time, i only sat down for a while. I can remember how Jesus looked... He looked at me with that ever-loving smile. the smile that says "I love You". The smile that never forcefully demands that I love Him in return, He leaves the choice to me and He is always waiting for me to spend time with Him. yet so mani times in my life, i have taken His presence for granted and His importance in my life has changed over the months and years i have been in church... and i'm ashamed to say, it's not for the more.

it's time to re-access myself and how selfish i have been. how could i have neglected this person who has died for me? it will start from now. i will love Jesus more den anyone, anything in this world. i'd not let anything, not even my ministry take away my time with Him whom i love.

mayling signed off at
|4:04:00 AM|

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